Tag Archives: investigion
patterns of self destruction
June 27th, 2008. Published under reflection. Comments.
Every once in a while, I get to see myself in all of my full-color widescreen glory… and sometimes it doesn’t look so great. When a particular problem arises in one area, if I’m able to dig into the problem and unwrap the layers and layers of self-defense and justifications, I can get a glimpse of how this one issue is just a reflection of a larger, repeating pattern.
Last night, I took some time to investigate why I start project after project and don’t continue it. I have always been the architect of my own undoing and this time I got to the heart of the why.
Tell yourself, “Whatever stops me from doing <insert your desire here>, stops me everywhere.” And, ask yourself, “What are those things?” … think of the things you do as playing a game with its own rules and playing fields and you as the player…
For me… it comes down to:
- disenchantment
- stop believing in the game
- time resentment
- doubting intention
- the burden of commitment
- strife distractions
For each one of these, I see exactly how it keeps appearing in all aspects of my life and how I use these things as excuses to never finish what I start. And, for each one, I’ve got some ideas about how to deal with it…
Disenchantment
I lose interest in the project… lose faith in the process. Boredom (which is most usually just a resistance to moving forward) takes over and, like I tell my kids, “only boring people get bored.”
- slow down, be aware, spend time with the boring things
- “If something’s boring, try it until it’s not.” – John Cage
- own the process, make it your own
- contemplate and understand the process
- then poke and prod it until it sings
Stop Believing in the Game
I sign up to “play” these projects and ideas and jobs and friendships and on and on… though at some point I stop believing in the value of it all. I see flaws in the process; flaws in my approach. It all stops making sense. And I want to exit.
- then, agree with yourself to stop the game and quite fighting with yourself
- change the rules and play a different game
- rekindle your belief in the game and play your heart out
- find out how to succeed instead and JFDI (just fucking do it)
Time Resentment
A huge one for me… time becomes scarce. The demands of too many involvements suck my energy away and I find myself with no time for anything. I rush through and do half-ass jobs on everything which creates more stress and even more the feeling of “there ain’t enough time!”
- make time management tools work (see Getting Things Done)
- stop taking on so much
- delegate
- stay focused, stay purposeful
Doubting Intention
I start to ask why I began it all in the first place and I forget the core of my intention which is almost always distorted by the time and distance between the start and now.
- go back to the beginning and truly understand the reason why you started
- find the why of the why
- travel back in time and reset the intention if it feels off
- put the intention into the larger context of what you want to with your life
- trust the you that got you there
The Burden of Commitment
Kinda related to time resentment, though instead of my strong commitment being a blessing I turn it into a burden and as something that sucks me dry
- return to the strength you find in purpose and commitment
- choose to own it
- reclaim it
- fulfill the promise you made and *move on*
Strife Distractions
Yeah yeah yeah… conflict happens. And I take it all in way too deep and use the conflict as an excuse to give up in all areas. Get over it, man. Strife happens. Don’t take your own self down when it feels like others are trying to do the same.
- “It burns burns burns… this ring of fire!” – Johnny Cash
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